The name Nonika means ‘self-motivated little girl’, one who is driven to make her dreams come true through passion, inspiration, courage, and intuition. Someone who is characterized or named to be ‘Nonika’ is described to be self-sufficient, empowered, fearless, and a natural born leader. Nonika encompasses the unique embodiment of displaying true independence in all aspects of life—socially, financially, emotionally, mentally, intellectually, and even spiritually.
The irony that exists surrounding the concept of independence in today’s contemporary era is that while a girl can be motivated by money, it is not a fortune that is always generated by her own means. The familiar ‘rags to riches’ story of the beautiful pauper turned princess Cinderella has reached iconic status of the American dream, reflective of someone who was raised in poverty and achieved a destiny of wealth and high social status, sometimes instantly or by pure luck with the help of rich investors, who in this story was the handsome Prince Charming.
Cinderella may have appeared to rise out of the ashes and cinders with perseverance to discover her gorgeous prince and live the fairytale life, but not all girls are given this hand. It’s no wonder this tale is appealing to young girls living in today’s generation, but it can often essays services insinuate a passive character who waits for change instead of initiating it on her own will. Any stories adopting the Cinderella fairytale fortune or tales of women hunting rich men only to live in their shadows in the end becomes a common trend, but what happens when the affluence and grandeur is all gone?
Whether wealth is gained through family inheritance or natural born power status, the demise of one’s self-worth is inevitable when there is no more pride remaining to take a stand on one’s own. Unfortunately from a woman’s perspective, it is always too late for a girl to get up again on her own and shine bright after the downfall. She may be unsure of her talents or feel lost in society, desperate for a chance to regain some sort of self-confidence and dignity.
It is my vision to convey that from the very beginning stages of life, we are entirely capable of introducing independence early on and instilling honest core values of self-worth, love, and acceptance to our little girls. Through nurturing discipline and life practices, we can prepare them for the worst of any situations they may face in their lifetime. That’s the great manifesto—let the independence and intelligence become their attraction rather than physical beauty and appearance alone. Respect from all people, including from men, will naturally fall in order when those dispositions are diligently fulfilled.
Let the Independence and Intelligence become their attraction rather than physical beauty and appearance alone
My name is R.J. I am the one behind Nonika and here is my story.
I always considered myself to be an average girl, not extremely beautiful nor overly smart. I attended male dominating schools all throughout middle school, high school, and even college. Only 5% of my classmates were girls and there were indeed several popular, outgoing, and attractive female friends who at that time resembled the trophy type of girlfriend in the eyes of the male classmates. Who didn’t want to be one of those girls? Of course, I desired that status too. I did try to make myself look beautiful to fit in with the popular crowd, but it seemed that those shallow school boys always preferred superficial beauty over true inner beauty.
After several trying efforts of attempting to fit in, the ugly truth still prevailed that the ‘ugly duck’ would never in fact be comparable to that of the beautiful and favorable young ‘swan’. Even the boy that I had crush on, in fact, humiliated me. While I initially tried to not let that experience destroy my spirit, being a teenager and going through so many emotions already I was completely heartbroken and in tears, complaining about how life was incredibly unfair to me. And while there is no shame in crying about these kinds of things since crying is always a good way to get one’s feelings out and release stress, I still harbored negative thoughts about myself and my life. I didn’t come from a wealthy family, nor was I graced with the natural beauty that I thought other girls had and I didn’t. My perception of beauty was changing and the most important thing I learned was to believe that I could alter this way of thinking and confidently rise up from the sadness and heartbreak.
It finally came to my attention, why did I even bother to fit in to be one of those girls? Was I not good enough with the skills, qualities, and characteristics that I already had? I swiftly learned that ignorance is bliss. I labeled them only as ‘Acquaintances’ and not ‘Friends’. After all, a real friend connects with you on a deeper level beyond understanding, through good times and bad, or when you look your absolute worst or best. For me, it takes this authentic human connection and experience of what it means to have a true friend, one who accepts every flaw, and is present through either painful or happy occurrences. Some of us are born to be forever followers, and others of us grow to be leaders. Eventually, instead of following other people and their social circles, I created my own social circle.
Instead of following other people and their social circles, I created my own social circle.
By attracting other people to befriend you through other natural and extraordinary qualities you already possess, like intelligence, self-determination, humor, or anything that describe one’s true self, the beautiful result is one that allows you to bear your own dignity. Since this realization, I felt very comfortable with the person I was becoming and then one by one friends naturally came into my life. I began to form genuine and everlasting friendships and I am content with my circle of real friends now who have shared memorable times of both bitterness and happiness. Real friends will walk through with you till the end of the dark tunnel. Acquaintances would just stop by and used us as gossip materials to talk about.
Later on in life, I heard news that two of my popular and beautiful friends had divorces twice and were now just building their lives back up from scratch. There is really no such thing as alimonies in the Asian culture, and I felt sorry for them but also relieved that I was not in a position to have been dependent on anyone. I was thankful that I was self-reliant to stand up on my own through adversity. I was grateful for my independence in creating my own legacy without living in the shadow of others, including my parents or husband, without lessening my respect for them.
My mother is merely a single mom, who left my verbally abusive father to live and raise my brother and me on her own. In spite of her limitations, she was strong and independent enough to live comfortably away from the abusive and damaging environment that was created by my father and his family. Even still today in the Asian culture, it is common to live under the same roof as husband’s family. From the moment we took our own very first steps, the most important thing she ever taught us in our early life was to be independent. Tragically, war and political riots raged in our home country, separating me from my mother and brother. I ended up in America and my brother ended up in Europe with college acceptance letters and small scholarships.
‘Like Wildflower, Strong enough to rise again after being trampled up and able to Grow even in the most broken places’
Being on my own in a foreign country at such a young age without money and just an acceptance for education, I would not be the successful person I am today if my mother did not teach me how to be independent on my own. It was already difficult to be a minority in my own country and a foreigner in a new country like the United States. The immigration policy was not very beneficial for international students like me at that time and it was extremely hard to find a job with any company that would provide immigration sponsorship. I was on the very edge of being in the end game for real, but by being persistent and never giving up I was able to seek sponsorship and finally obtained my permanent residence permit and US citizenship.
Being a free and independent thinker allows me to identify and fully grasp what my true inner strengths and vision are. I know who I am and what I want to be and I am continuing the glorious journey of discovering so much more. I am most honored to be a living example of strength that my children and family will forever be proud of. That is what the real meaning of Nonika is.
Being a free and independent thinker allows me to identify and fully grasp what my true inner strengths and vision are.
Teaching your kids, especially little girls, to be independent is more important than any other life skill. Do not worry or stress too much about raising your girls. They will build their own beautiful legacy in their own time. What we need to do is guide them not to be out of line, but not to either force them into doing what we want or think they should be doing. Let them choose their own dreams and desires independently. Let them free, as they will grow to have their own vision, and that vision will pull them to greater heights. Life is complex and full of unpredictable challenges, hardships, evolving life goals, and failures, but it is how one rise’s up from defeat that will train you to be stronger in the end.
My nickname is Nonika and it is the beautiful name my family calls me by still today. I am Nonika, and there is a Nonika in each one of you.
~ with love R. J
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