We have all experienced times in our lives where we were not the one who got favored, times when others seemed to have more luck, more good fortune, or was simply the one who got noticed when we didn’t. It can happen anywhere, in any situation, and it never feels good.
I used to be an engineer, and as a woman in that environment, I often struggled to be heard. They expected me to talk and communicate a certain way but because I was a timid woman, thus, I never made the right impression on the upper management.
The thing is, when you don’t get noticed at work (or anywhere else, for that matter), or are overlooked, it means that you don’t seem to get the same opportunities as others would in your shoes. My projects always seemed to go by the wayside, and I always faced challenges getting the funding for my projects or getting my projects in a place of priority.
It seemed as though everyone else’s projects got everything they asked for; as much funding as they desired, even six-figure sums came easily to them, while my projects struggled while only requesting a four-figure number. We were never able to get the right or best team members with the skills we needed, and we couldn’t afford to outsource due to the lack of funding.
The first emotion that comes to mind is jealousy. Of course. Jealousy is a normal emotion, we’re all human, and we want to get the best for ourselves. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. But we have to learn to manage this emotion, as it’s also one so toxic it can eat you from the inside out.
When you feel jealous, take your time to feel that energy and then let it go. Jealousy never helps to solve problems, it only makes them worse. Too many people drown in their jealousy, reveling in it as proof that they couldn’t have done anything more to achieve their desires, and they spend their time feeling negative and putting others down.
The only thing you should jealousy is to get over it. You have to convert that jealous energy into one that will move you forward, not stagnate you. It must propel you forward to work harder to get what you need and to only depend on yourself.
You have to pull yourself together. Understand those feelings, that they are legitimate, but that they ultimately won’t help you. Think about the strengths and skills you do have, the allies you have, and go to work putting them all to use. Get the maximum from yourself and your allies – they are your best friends and see if they have any skills you can use to help pull you both up.
Think about the strengths and skills you do have, the allies you have, and go to work putting them all to use.
If you find you have a gap in your knowledge or skillset and don’t have an ally to turn to, learn the skill yourself. This is almost entirely what I had to do. I converted my jealousy into a passion and determination to learn the new skill I needed to complete the project. I had to learn better time management, better financial management, and better management of the people I had on my team.
I am happy for not being favored. Why? Because having to work hard under limitations means I learn more, I learn more about myself and my ability to get out of situations. Especially when I feel my back is against the wall, or like everything is stacked against me. I know I can rely on myself to get a project finished, even if I have a tiny budget and more limitations than anyone ever should.
Work hard under limitations means I learn more, I learn more about myself and my ability to get out of situations
I proved to the upper management that I should be noticed – I found my own success. Eventually, they provided better funding.
Next time you feel jealousy, catch yourself. Realize what you are feeling and let it go. Attract people with the success you’ve given yourself, not what others have handed to you. People will see you as a whole new woman: underdog turned alpha-female.
I wanted to talk to you about this sentiment today because I wanted to pay tribute to one of our dresses that encourages maturity. Maturity only comes with time, and when people stop making excuses and start making changes. When they take control and responsibility for their own lives.
Maturity only comes with time, and when people Stop making Excuses and Start making Changes
So stop making excuses that you aren’t favored. That you aren’t lucky. That someone got a better break than you – because your life and your success is your responsibility. Make your own Legacy. This is the message we put into our brand, here at Nonika [link: https://mynonika.com/]. We believe in teaching ourselves and our daughters to not give in to jealousy but to be and raise strong independent girls with mental fortitude.
Lastly, don’t forget to be Proud of Yourself. You made it by yourself.
Not too proud. Otherwise it’s called Narcissist :-).
~with Love, R.J
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